there's paper in my vomit.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
