hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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