her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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