Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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