dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
