im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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