so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
