you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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