You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
