Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
