If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
