ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
