If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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