dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
