Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
