Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
