Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
