mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He did a backflip because drugs
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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