is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
