she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
