I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
