why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
