It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
worst night to have a conscience
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
