Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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