I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
