Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
