Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
