It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
