dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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