we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
