my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
