Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
