I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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