Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
