Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
