I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
