so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
