he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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