Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
