Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
