When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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