My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
