they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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