Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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