no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
they're like a gay fantastic four
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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