Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
did i just pee glitter
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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