At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Then you guys just all showered together...?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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