Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm both gender and math confused
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
