Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
