Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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