i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
