Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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